Grammar drills do not prepare you for the phone ringing. These are the twelve conversations the course rehearses, chosen because they are the ones people walk into.
Answer di phone — nuh freeze up
The phone rings and it's your grandmother calling from Jamaica. The exact moment this whole app exists for.
Wedding, birthday, big yaad party
A big family party full of relatives — including the auntie who last saw you as a baby and can't believe how you've grown.
Pay respect di right way
A nine-night — the gathering held on the nights after a death, with singing, stories, and food. Knowing how to give condolences properly matters more here than anywhere.
Greet di elders after service
After service on the church steps — the sisters and deacons want to greet you, bless you, and find out exactly whose child you are.
Order widout pointing pon di menu
A busy Jamaican restaurant at lunch time. The line is long, the counter lady is quick, and pointing at the glass is for tourists.
Haggle sweet, get yu braata
A produce market with a seasoned higgler. Prices are a conversation, not a number — and if you do it right, you leave with a little extra.
Describe di cut — an keep up wid di chat
The barbershop (or hairdresser) — half haircut, half parliament. You need to describe exactly what you want, then hold your own in the shop talk.
Customs, taxi, an reach a yuh people dem
Wheels down in Jamaica. First the immigration officer, then the taxi men outside — and the price depends entirely on whether you sound like a tourist.
Elder respect vs cousin chat — two different Patois
The same language, two registers. How you speak to Great-Aunt Vie is not how you speak to your cousin — and mixing them up is the diaspora giveaway.
Text like a yaadie — DWL, zeen, di whole vibes
The family WhatsApp group. Auntie sends morning blessings, your cousin sends pure slang, and Granny types full careful sentences. Text Patois is its own register - and this is where diaspora family talk actually happens every day.
Learn di recipe before it lost
You're in the kitchen with Granny learning the family recipe. She won't write it down — the recipe lives in her voice, and today you have to catch it.
Big tune! Move to di riddim
Your cousin carried you to a session. Music loud, crowd thick — tonight you learn to react when the big tune drops, move through the crowd, and leave with a link-up.
The phrases and vocabulary for each situation are in the app, with audio, and you rehearse them against a tutor that answers back.